Memoir
by LikeAMafiaBoss
Summary: If Saruhiko could erase his memories, he would.


"You fucking monkey," Yata said, "I'll crush you!"  
Fushimi had long since gotten used to these words to the point they no longer fazed him. Or actually they never had: it was what he wanted to hear.

So he put up his smug grin without difficulty and invited his former friend to try and destroy him.  
That ferocious hatred was the only confirmation he needed.

/

He loathed his despicable father. He hated everything about him, from his attire to his laugh that resounded through the house whenever Fushimi did something 'amusing'.

"Do you know why I named you Saruhiko?" Niki asked, and Saruhiko could sense the derogatory comment from miles away. "Because you're a monkey, Saru, you've always been a monkey. And one day you'll end up to be just as disgusting as I am."

Saruhiko was ten years old.

/

"You've been daydreaming for at least twenty minutes, Fushimi."

Totsuka, a man whose perception was a strength as well as his greatest weakness, sat next to him and smiled. "Is there something on your mind?"  
"It's not something you should be concerned about." Saruhiko replied, and he continued to stare at the fish tank on his left. A rainbowfish swam by, its silvery scales reflecting the light inside the aquarium.  
"Sometimes people are destined to walk the same path," Totsuka said, "And sometimes they have no other option but to retreat and move away from one another."  
Fushimi looked at HOMRA's third member. He was still smiling. Saruhiko narrowed his eyes.  
"But someday their paths will cross again without doubt. If you really care about eachother." Totsuka concluded.  
"... I have no idea what you're talking about."  
"Saruhiko!" Yata called from the other side of the room. "You've sat around moping all day. C'mon, team up with me against Kamamoto and Bandou! You're crazy good at video games!"

Fushimi eyed the vivacious male with slight apathy.  
"Fine. But just one round." he said.

Totsuka really knew too much.

/

Niki was dead.

"I don't want to go." Fushimi repeated over and over again. It was starting to become a mantra. "I don't want to go."

He didn't want to see his father's cold, lifeless body under the sheets. He didn't want to see him ever again. If it wasn't for his mother forcing Saruhiko, he would've never even thought of it.

Yata was seated in front of him and he just stared at Saruhiko's pale complexion, and how his eyes would twitch back and forth ever so slightly. Fushimi hated being observed, but Yata bore no ill will towards him.

"I'll come with you."

Fushimi looked up to meet a pair of hazel eyes. Their color was enough to appease his emotions and calm down his brain.  
"And why would I want to drag you into this?"

Yata grabbed both of his shoulders, pulling him out of his slouched position. His back straightened. He felt stronger.  
"Because as long as we're together we can do anything, obviously!" Yata told him. "We're friends! I'll go wherever you go, Saruhiko."  
That sheepish grin, his determined gaze. Fushimi felt safe knowing that Yata would always be by his side, and that his friend could count on him too.

/

The hot flames licked his skin, trying to cleanse his body and eradicate any kind of association with HOMRA. It relieved him.  
Was this what hell was like? Unnerving, scalding heat trying to devour his soul while filling his nostrils with the smell of blistered flesh? Smoke, black and thick, prevented him from inhaling and exhaling properly. It was as if he was going to suffocate. Saruhiko felt dizzy.  
But it would be worth it, he told himself. The insignia on his collarbone became charred. Through the excruciating pain he could see Yata's shocked expression.

"There goes your pride, Misaki."

/

"Awashima-kun told me you were involved in a dispute during your mission." Munakata said, head resting on his folded hands.  
Fushimi clicked his tongue. "It wasn't of any importance. There was a citizen…"  
"But it wasn't a 'normal' citizen, was it, Fushimi-kun?" the commander inquired. "In fact, you and Yata Misaki from the Red Clan were found brawling in the middle of the street."  
Fushimi's blue eyes shimmered when that name reached his ears. Munakata sighed, placing another puzzle piece in the image that was starting to form on his desk. It was an aerial shot of Shizume City.

"Since I'm aware that the two of you have had a history together," he went on, "I was expecting this. Please try to maintain your composure when you meet again, Fushimi-kun."  
"... Understood." Fushimi was heading to the door but Munakata stopped him.  
"If you ever feel troubled-"  
"There's no need, Captain." Fushimi cut him off before his superior could finish his sentence. Then he bowed and excused himself, leaving behind a smiling Blue King.

/

"An important member of the Red Clan was killed tonight." Hidaka announced, and Fushimi could feel the blood disappear from his face. His hands were clammy. He was going to throw up. This wasn't what he had wanted. Despite all the things he said, he didn't want Yata to die.  
"Who...?" was all Fushimi could utter without sounding too miserable.

"His name was Totsuka Tatara."

/

Fushimi didn't know why he was here, standing in front of Munakata's mahogany desk. Munakata had offered him a cup of tea, but he had declined, in fear of being served a mountain of anko by the Lieutenant. Awashima was standing next to the Blue King.  
"You appear to have found your way in Scepter 4. I'm impressed, Fushimi-kun." Munakata offered Saruhiko a friendly smile. "Of course I had high expectations, but you've exceeded them."  
"It's not too bad, working here." Fushimi replied. "Because team work isn't necessary."  
"I thought you'd say that." Munakata seemed amused. "I know you've only been working here for a few months, but would you be interested in a more important position?"  
Fushimi scoffed. As if those things were of any importance. "Ranks don't matter to me, but if you'd like me to do more, do as you please."  
"I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable at your workplace." Munakata said. "After all, I was the one who moved you into choosing a different Clan." He was waiting for a reaction. Fushimi wasn't going to grant him one.

"I was the one who chose this." he responded. "With all due respect, Captain."  
"Very well." Munakata was pleased. "As of today, you are the Third in Command of Scepter 4."

/

It still felt weird to know that Misaki wasn't sleeping in the bunk below his.

/

Yata had been waiting for Fushimi to appear.

The rain had him soaked and his brown hair was dripping but he looked unfazed by the weather, as if he had been turned into a frozen, angry statue.  
Because his gaze wasn't warm or excited, nothing like his happy expression when he spent time with those useless thugs.

Fushimi stared at him in quiet disbelief. There was at least fifty feet in between the two of them. The rain kept pouring, trying to turn the empty streets into an ocean of sweet tears while flickering street lights failed to provide it with luminosity.

"Saruhiko." Yata spoke up. When was the last time he had heard that name come from his lips without it sounding like an insult?  
Fushimi didn't respond, too mesmerized to answer.  
"Saruhiko." Yata repeated, and Fushimi noticed he was getting agitated. He sighed.  
"What is it, Misaki? I need to head back to Scepter 4, so I don't have time to play with you."

"That's not why I'm here." Yata was in front of him now. Fushimi thought he was going to get punched, but instead he was grabbed by the collar and pushed against the wall. He stumbled. His shirt was clinging onto his body like it was a lifeline.  
Hazel eyes. They were burning brighter than the sun. Yata gritted his teeth.

"You fucking traitor." he cussed. "Do you know how painful it is to see that stupid face of yours?"  
"Then why are you getting so close?" Fushimi retorted. "If you're getting sick of it, go back to your stupid friends."  
"Shut up. It's only because you happened to be here that I'm doing this." Yata's grip on his collar didn't loosen. It only became tighter as his lips found Saruhiko's.  
They were chapped and cold. His hands were rough. Their kiss was sloppy and turbulent. Yata yearned for him and Saruhiko yearned for Yata. But as their lips molded together, Fushimi couldn't help but wonder if, from this point onwards, their paths would align again.  
Yata's body was warm.

/

"You and I, we could do a lot of awesome things together. Just the two of us." Yata smiled. "As long as we stay together, anything's possible."  
And Fushimi believed him.


End file.
